There's a lot of evidence that focusing on blame is seldom a productive activity; even worse, it can distract us from searching for solutions. [File photo]

Watching politics and news generally on TV  from around the world, and talking with people, I get a sense of a growing culture of “blame.” There's a lot of evidence that focusing on blame is seldom a productive activity; even worse, it can distract us from searching for solutions.

One frequent target in pointing the finger of blame is parents. Some children seem never to get over their shock that their parents are/were less than perfect. As poet Maya Angelou wrote in Becoming Myself: Reflections on Growing Up Female, "To grow up is to stop putting blame on parents."  

Adults come to realize that, after all, our parents are human. They make mistakes. Most do the best they can and make great sacrifices for their children.  Even if we have a difficult childhood because of poverty, abusive relationships, drugs and other circumstances, becoming an adult means we must eventually take responsibility for our own actions, work to overcome obstacles and do our best to play the hand we are dealt.  In doing this there is growth, dignity and satisfaction that comes from knowing we did the best we could with the talents we were given.

Sometimes, we blame the work environment or the boss. While it's true bad managers are more common than most people realize, one can choose to go to another job, go back to school to prepare for another job, or take other actions to keep growing. 

Sometimes blame is placed on the school, the teacher, or the coach. Having a teacher, coach or boss who yells, screams and abuses those working under them is usually unproductive.  I recall a high school teacher and a supervisor who were abusive.  The result was that I became defensive, afraid to take risks for fear of making a mistake, seriously underperforming, learning little and hating the experience.  

Now that I'm an adult, however, I have learned various strategies to deal with such conduct, so that I will not be a victim of the blame game.

Another frequent target of blame is the government. Here again, if you don't like what the government is doing, let them know about it. Better still, get involved and work to change the policy, the process or the people; if all you can do is complain it's not particularly helpful.

For many, the major focus of blame is internal – they beat up on themselves. It is useful to realize that the “self” is socially constructed and to an extent, our perception of self is a reflection of the outside world.  People label us and we then apply the label to ourselves.  

Self-pity and blame, however, are not generally helpful.  Rather than blaming ourselves, the better course is to figure out what happened and why and come up with an action plan of what you can do about it.  

And so, what are some alternatives to playing the blame game? In asking this, I'm reminded that October 2, 2017 marked 67 years since Charles Schulz, regarded as one of the most influential and most loved cartoonists of all time, published his first Peanuts Cartoon in 1950.  

In 1959 the series first introduced Lucy's Psychiatry Booth, where for a nickel (five cents) she would listen to a character's problem and give her advice.  Most often, that advice was simply to tell the patient to “Snap out of it!”.  

Following Lucy's advice, perhaps it is time to snap out of our quick and easy tendency to fix blame and get moving on finding solutions to the problems facing us. If the solution is to be found outside of ourselves, we should give our allegiance and support to those who focus on trying to make things better.

In mediation, for example, Fisher and Ury's seminal work, Getting to Yes, counsels disputants to be “soft on the people, but hard on the problem.” Another guiding principle is to get away from arguing for “my position versus your position” and give attention instead to searching for innovative solutions that can accommodate everyone's interests.

Another strategy is to look forward to new beginnings rather than dwell on the past and become fixed on blame. As the German philosopher Meister Eckhard wrote:  

“Wisdom consists in doing the next thing you have to do, doing it with your whole heart, and finding delight in doing it.”  He also noted: “Suddenly you know: It's time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.” Indeed, the magic of beginnings is that it involves taking action rather than sitting back and doing nothing but point the finger of blame.

Another antidote is positivity. The challenge is to not get sucked into the vortex of emotional negativity and choose instead to look on the bright side of things. Look forward to potential and possibilities rather than see only loss, mistakes and failure.  

While it's understandable to get discouraged because of the bad behavior of others, you are not a failure until you give up and stop trying to make it better. As Albert Einstein advised: “Stay away from negative people. They have a problem for every solution.”

We also need to be less judgmental. Leaders know that if you have to “manage” a person, you probably chose the wrong person.  The most effective approach is “self-management” and leaders want around them people who can manage themselves and work well with others to achieve both organizational and personal goals. You can't “force” people to take responsibility unless and until they themselves are ripe for such development. 

Finally, we should realize that much of our efforts and anguish spent on worrying is a waste of time.  We should be less of a worrier and more of a warrior.  Moreover, that fighting spirit should continue to our last breath.  As Dylan Thomas urged us, do not go gentle into that good night – “Rage, rage, against the dying of the light.”  

Eugene Clark is a columnist with China.org.cn. For more information please visit:http://m.keyanhelp.cn/opinion/eugeneclark.htm

Opinion articles reflect the views of their authors only, not necessarily those of China.org.cn.

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